Garden gnomes are ickle. They can brighten up any respectable garden with their garishly-coloured hats. They will sit obediently by your ornamental pond, fishing all day or posing with their wheelbarrow. The father of former British Prime Minister, John Major, made gnomes for a living. For his son, they may have represented the spirit of England, along with warm beer and old maids cycling to Holy   Communion on Sundays. Sadly, gnomes have now become an item of ridicule. Very few gardeners would ever consider placing a gnome alongside their herbaceous borders, or in a prominent position in the midst of an array of pansies. If placed in a garden at the front of a property, gnomes are likely to be attacked with beer-cans by thoughtless hooligans returning home from the pub. There is nothing more distressing than finding your favourite gnome decapitated by a well-aimed can of Special Brew. VS

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