Kit
Teachers College refugee. Pays rent at a flat over the back fence but is a fixture at The Freak Show. Used to flat with Anna and Todd, but they cut the umbilical cord. Kit's dream is to meet a man that can keep up with the pace she sets. A potential internet addict, Kit met her future husband on IRC (he is currently unaware of the destiny she has marked out for him).

Rachael
Alias the "wee rocker." Inhabited the Freak Show in the early days before Todd arrived to reclaim his bed. Ran away to join the circus in another flat, but is still known to lurk in the dark corners when least expected. Has a stake in the wheelchair. Has her own stalker.

Mike & Tracy
The worlds most unlikely married couple. Mike used to take Tracy on dates to the graveyard. Dave was a groomsman at the wedding, and very nearly had to take over the primary role when Mike failed to show for the wedding waltz. Tracy and Mike live with an assortment of bizzare flatmates and numbered Dave as one of their clan in second year (1994), when they were forced to teach him to cook and clean.

Some of the weird, wild, wacky and wonderful phrases overheard this year:

"We have ..... for Africa, or at least a number of small third world nations."
"Every flat needs a wheelchair."
"Mess with my mind Big Boy." (Anna)
"You have issues." (Dave)
"Mulder is real, that Duchovny guy just impersonates him." (Sarah)
"I'm gonna rock your world."
"Ya wee rocker."
"Chocolate is not a good substitute." (Anna)
"I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want ..." (Todd)
"Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese."
"Carrots aren't supposed to be liquid."
"Spandex ... it's a privilege, not a right."
"Carrots aren't supposed to be liquid."
"Don't paddle in that gene pool."
"How can I be this broke with three jobs?" (Anna)

The average weekday will often begin with a hangover. Sarah has been known to make it to the occasional early morning lab meeting. Anna and Todd have mid morning lectures and fights over the newspaper. Dave has structured his timetable so he has no lectures before lunch, and thus usually gets pulled out of bed by visitors who look at his furry "jammies" in disbelief. Lunch is a lengthy affair consisting of Oprah, Sally and Ricki, with morsels of CNN and a draught of Larry ("Altoona, you're on") King.

Afternoons are spent at lectures and shopping. Dinner is usually cooked, occasionally raw, by Shortland Street, where Anna gets to whimper softly every time Cam takes off his shirt ("A full body wax and he's mine") and Dave takes responsibility for Isobelle's baby.

The evenings are a festive mix of escapist television, drinking and persuading someone to make the coffee. Anna will often slope off to catch up on the IRC (especially during "The X-Files"). Pub missions can occur at any time, without prior warning, and with frightening rate of alcohol consumption.

Dave and Todd are in their final year of an LLB (NZ law degree). The "Week of the Moot" (aka a mock trial) saw Dave's room become the "War Room Online" when two computers, a strategy table, and a cell phone dominated proceedings. A small rainforest was sacrificed to photocopy materials and Senior Counsel Stephenson and Junior Counsel Pannett did a little work and a lot of posturing. "Secretary Sarah" steadfastly provided coffee and nourishment. The fact that Senior Counsel left his pants at the drycleaners and had to wear his waiter's uniform didn't count against them, and the end result was a resounding win ... and a pass mark for the paper.

The Loft Bed has quickly become an institution at the Freak Show. Sarah has no head for heights and, as it is a fixture in her room, it has the double function of guest bedroom and TV lounge. Sub-letting was considered for a time, but it is now exclusively reserved for selected celebs.

The Guest List ...

Penelope Keith
Baroness Margaret Thatcher
("Over my dead body." - Anna. "That can be arranged" - The Flat)
Ralitsa Vassileva (CNN's Bulgarian Bombshell)
The cast of Friends (in no particular order)
Sandra Bullock
Gillian Anderson
Margarita Pracatan

Why is it that supporting actresses in American sitcoms often end up stealing the whole show? Go fig. Here are our current favourites.

The inductees ...

Mimi ("The Drew Carey Show")
Yes, she's just as loud and obnoxious as her clothes and makeup.

Vicki ("Suddenly Susan")
The brashest redhead this side of Pam Corkery (and Sarah of course!).

Camilla ("The Naked Truth")
The slap-happy, poker-playing editor-from-hell.

Elaine ("Seinfeld")
´Lainey! Her exasperated looks and raised eyebrows are priceless.

Audrey ("Ellen")
Always squeaky and emblazoned in pink, her catch cry is "Hi Ellen!".

Sally ("3rd Rock From the Sun")
Just your average male alien trapped in a woman's body ... need we say more?

Otherwise known as The Freak Show outpost, the "Fats" is our local public bar. Situated a handy 50 metres from The Freak Show, owners Clive and Wendy have become unaccountably fond of the inhabitants, mainly due to their consumption of alcohol and willingness to participate in promotions ("Nothing is too degrading for free beer").

The Fats is much more than a watering hole, it is our social sphere, where intruders of the rugby-head type are regarded with the deepest suspicion. Anna and Sarah are particularly fond of the Fats, and have been known not to leave the place unaccompanied. We are still waiting to be able to say the same of Dave and Todd. Anna is usually to be found at one of the three pool tables, where she takes great delight in occasionally humilliating arrogant males who think they can play pool. Todd is often found "bonding" with Wendy, and his project for the year is a nationwide tour of the chain of Fats pubs throughout New Zealand, complete with printed pyjamas recording each stop.

The morning of the University of Otago Law Faculty's Ball dawned inauspiciously when Sarah realised she had nothing to wear. Anna was bullied unmercifully into an emergency shopping trip, and manged to subsequently wave her magic wand (and Sarah's cheque book) and outfit the red headed one in a magnificent dress. The city wide search for matching makeup will go unrecorded at this point (Anna's mind has blocked the trauma of the morning and a recounting could cause a relapse). The early afternoon was spent at the Fats, watching rugby and drinking, while the girls painted their nails.

The ball itself was a "007" theme, and the boys laid into cigars with gusto. Friends and aquaintances were "bonded" with, as the Freaks worked the room. Drama was high when unsavoury characters were encountered and dispatched with "Bond-like" panache.

The highlight of the night was three of the Freaks talking the band (who they knew previously, but who now refuse to acknowledge them) into letting them go onstage and sing "Ironic". Dave meanwhile did a good impression of a stunned mullet from the dance floor at the sight of his brethren shaming themselves so.

The night ended with a lightning trip to Accident and Emergency (where were the gurnies??) and raspberry iceblocks all round at 4am. The Law Faculty will be poorer for our absence both in 1998 and beyond.