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What If They Win Their Academy Awards?: "Hi, I'm Diane Warren. I was shocked to win a Best Original Song Oscar for 'There You'll Be,' from Pearl Harbor. For one thing...it's me. Diane Warren. Patron saint of hack songwriters the world over. For another...it's Pearl Harbor. You know, one of the five movies nominated for Worst Picture at the 2001 Razzie Awards? That I could beat out actual songwriters, who'd written actual music, with my dark magic, made me ashamed and penitent. That's why I've dropped out of society and joined a convent in El Salvador. No, no: keep that guitar away from me. I'm not that kind of nun."
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