‹ 28.2.02 / 0 comment(s) ›
Last night saw the continuing run of visiting bloggers to The Retro Bar's Retroteasers Pop Quiz. Over recent weeks we've had:
- Mike from leafy Nottingham!
- Tim from cemetric Arlington, West Virginia!
- Michael from lesbianesque Stoke Newington!
- A. Nony-Mous from parts disliked by Anne Robinson!
‹ 28.2.02 / 0 comment(s) ›
You too shall cry this URL out loud when you see where it ends up redirecting you to.
‹ 28.2.02
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Review of McDonald's
Pros: Egg McMuffins
Cons: Orwellian Adherence to the rules
Recommended: Yes
‹ 28.2.02
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Dear friends, gather 'round. Some of you know me away from this weblog-type thingy and some more of you better than some others. If you fall into these categories, ask yourself this: How well did you know me one year ago? Did you get to know me better during the past twelve months? Would you have preferred it if I'd only been allowed one year in this country instead of two?
If the answer to those final questions was "yes" and "no" respectively, then why not consider signing this online petition to voice your disapproval at the proposal to reduce the duration of the UK working holiday visa scheme from two years to just one. Generations of future, high-quality, fun-loving New Zealand young people depend upon your actions.
I thank you.
‹ 27.2.02
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Sarah is currently blogging in Oamaru, New Zealand ... not under the happiest of circumstances, granted, but it's nice to see that someone in the old stomping grounds has entered the wonderful world of weblogging. Chin up old girl!
‹ 27.2.02
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What can I say about Shooting Stars last night. Best. Episode. Ever. I mean, how can you go wrong with Larry Hagman, Gail Porter, Margery Dawes and the best impersonation of Jamie and Jules Oliver to grace the small screen ever? The true-or-false round had Luke, Catherine and I in hysterics, to wit:
| Bob: | True or false Larry ... a cat says "meow" because really there's a squirrel trapped inside it trying to say "let me out of here". |
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| Larry: | Erm ... |
The Beeb have a respectable Shooting Stars site, including a page of classic clips, including several of an unfeasibly young Mark Lamarr, as well as last week's "The Lesbian Song" which is far far better when seen performed. For your enticement though, here's a brief snatch ...
Lesbians, lesbians,This was quickly followed by Johnny Vegas in Room 101 and sad tales of an internet chatroom named "Beauty's Castle". Brought a tear to me eye it did.
Happy and free with each other.Lesbians, lesbians,
Women making love ...
With one another.
‹ 27.2.02 / 0 comment(s) ›
| Dear Fellow New-Zealanders-In-London, Help is at hand! No longer do you need to ask the internet where the fuck to find onion soup mix ... I'll tell you! You can by it at "Kiwifruits - The New Zealand Shop", near New Zealand House on Haymarket. I'm sure you'll put it to good use the next time you're eating potato chips: mmmm, love that dip! Bon appetit petals, |
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Dave.
‹ 27.2.02
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Play More, the promotional site for Xbox's European campaign has the freshest approach to navigation I've seen in a long time. Think somatic bodies or primeval soups or something. Very cool (registration appears required though). The site also features the first commercial - "Champagne" - which pretty much describes both the previous course, and the current direction, of my life so far. Brilliant stuff.
‹ 26.2.02
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Happy birthday to the Lukester who hits the ripe old age of 26 today. Respect, man.
In honour of said anniversary, the masses descended upon the Jorene Celeste in Kentish Town. Kudos on the bar selection - look, we can move freely and not be jostled! Look, couches ... with nobody sitting on them! Look, tasty Thai food! By the looks of things, a fantastic time was had by all.
[Weight-watching party-spotting update: Mo has gained weight and looks a lot healthier for it. Cal appears to have lost weight and ditto. I however have nothing to report on that front]
And finally, because you could never be Luke, mortal, you can now emulate his works with The Fezzer. Go forth and inveigh, my children.
‹ 26.2.02
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Sick of being referred to as a boring old cratemaker? Well now you can be an Object Support Preparator.
‹ 26.2.02
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Matt and I decided to catch some fresh air with a quick trip down to the reopened Millenium Bridge, accepting its first punters today after a two year wobble closure. As far as bridges go, it's pretty good. Very Ikea-like, in fact ... all brushed aluminium and rounded curves. It's very strange approaching it now from along the Thames - it's set a little bit higher than the other bridges in the distance and due to its skinny design, crossers appear to be almost walking in mid-air. Plus, walking over in either direction you get great views of two of London's most spectular architectural pieces: St Paul's Cathedral and Tate Modern. I'm also pleased to report that it's now a wobble-free zone - those looking to re-enact the fun-fair ride from Grease's "You're The One That I Want" will be sorely disappointed.
‹ 23.2.02
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Queen met by first transsexual MP ... which wouldn't be Ms Bayer's first encounter with an old queen, I'll bet.
*groan*
Seriously though, the British media must rub their hands with glee when something a teeny bit avant-garde appears on the radar screen of an otherwise lacklustre looking tour. Best quote from that article:
"Ms Beyer's operation was confirmed by a New Zealand government official, who announced: 'Yeah, she's had the full chop'."We call a spade a fucking spade 'round our way and don't you forget it.
Georgina Bayer is a fascinating lady who rose to the top in local politics (becoming mayor of a redneck, white bread, podunk little farming town) before becoming an MP at the last election. Her maiden speech to the house included the following choice lines:
"I was quoted once as saying this is a stallion that became a gelding and now she's a mayor. I do have to say that I've now come full circle and become a member."Qualidee. More like her in the House please!
‹ 23.2.02 / 0 comment(s) ›
On March 5, ickle.org celebrates it's first birthday. Send us lots of submissions and you may very well win a rather funky prize.
‹ 22.2.02
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"Help. I'm stuck in your browser. Somebody, please!"
‹ 22.2.02
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Channel 4 lands Simpsons: Not particularly interesting in and of itself, except for the ridiculous reason that BBC2 controller Jane Root offered for bowing out - "she felt she was unable to justify spending licence-payers' money on a new deal". Just a thought ... how about using some of the millions of pounds the BBC makes every year by selling its programmes and formats abroad? Or did you just forget about that money? Here, let me refresh your memory:
"BBC Worldwide, which sells the corporation's programmes around the world, announced a growth in programme exports of 16% - up from £148.4m to £171.8m on the previous year."Your grade in Excuses 101: C+. Please try harder.
‹ 22.2.02 / 0 comment(s) ›
Wasn't this guy in the Village People? How about this guy? For the love of God, what is going on in Tomy's product naming department?
‹ 21.2.02
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"As part of an ambitious initiative to take education out of the hands of liberal atheists who believe your ancestors were baboons and put it in the just and decent hands of right-minded GOP-supporting corporations, President Bush is proud to present, in cooperation with the Flammable Pleasures division of RJ Reynolds, vital and wholly accurate information that can make YOU a CIGARETTE-SAFE KID!"
‹ 21.2.02
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Web rage hits the internet: Surprise! People get frustrated when their intended actions are inhibited. Why this should come as a shock to anyone is quite beyond me. The more intriguing part of this story is that those kind folks at the Abbey National bank have created a chill-out site for those with tempers like Mr Spacely - Moments Of Simplicity. Awww, look at da leetle feeshies go ...
‹ 21.2.02
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Despite its prevalence in the common parlance of our society, the word FUCK still retains its power to shock and titillate. Yesterday, Radio1's breakfast show host Sara Cox interviewed Shaggy and Ali G, where Mr G was heard to say, "Why can't I use the 'C' word on the radio? Why can't I say mother-blank-blank-blank-fucker?" Cue sharp intake of breath from me, pregant pause from the radio, me laughing most heartily and them cutting quickly to the next song on the playlist. That rascal! [related: Friday fuckfest]
‹ 20.2.02
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Well, what a great weekend that was! I believe I've caught up on enough sleep now to relate events, so here goes ...
Saturday saw the mad dash from Hell around fancy old London town. Zipped over to the old stomping grounds for a quick trim at Tony the Greek's haircutting establishment - you really can't go wrong for £7. Okay, I'm sure you can go wrong for £7 but I never seem to have before and as the saying goes, the only difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut is a week (take note Ms Manson). Then, to remedy the "oh fuck, I have a wedding to go to tonight and have absolutely nothing to wear" blues, the crowds of Oxford Street were fought through to purchase a serviceable shirt, pants and belt. And a pressie for Iain was squeezed in there too.
Knackered already, one tarted oneself up and headed off to Blackheath to meet Geezer Chris and his girlfriend for a swifty before heading towards Greenwich and my old boss Carl's hitching ceremony. A fine old time was had by all - a complete partner fest it was too so I managed to finally meet all the long-suffering and varied "others" that they're always chattering on about ... the red-headed one, the tall intellectual one, the plucky East London one, the Irish one, and yes, the bridal one.
As the witching hour struck, Cinders picked up her skirts and headed over to Streatham to assist in the celebration of Iain's aging process. Most. Alcohol. Ever. Whomever decided that pulping three apples and a half bottle of vodka equalled a cocktail was barking up the completely wrong leafy organism I can assure you. We remained thankful however that the seal on the advocaat remained intact.
Flash forward to 5am and four webloggers ended up in a bed, to be joined in the morning by a slinking-back-in ex and a straight boy with a penchant for bad jokes and horrific tales of veneral disease and verdant ejaculate.
Oh, and this really is an underrated film, isn't it?
‹ 19.2.02
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New Zealand television seems to be losing its leading lights all at once: Kevin Smith dies in China, aged 38. Smith was one of those guys who seemed to pop up in almost everything that was made, at some point or another. To use the old cliché, women loved him and men wanted to be him. A reasonable amount of vice versa applies to that statement too, I'm fairly sure. He was normally cast in beefcake roles, but would always play them with relish - a knowing wink or a cheeky grin always let you know that he never took himself too seriously (his most recognisable international role - Ares in Xena: Warrior Princess - is a good example). Such an unfortunate tragedy and such a terrible loss. |
‹ 16.2.02 / 0 comment(s) ›
I don't know whether I'm envious or relieved that my life doesn't involve attending controversial bare-backing conferences.
‹ 16.2.02
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Look! Our American cousins are catching up! ;o)
‹ 16.2.02
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In the old in-box this morning:
"Before the Brazil v Argentina game recently, an Argentinean condom manufacturer posted the following to show what Argentina were going to do to Brazil ..."
"After the game, the Brazilian football association put the following poster up everywhere ..."
‹ 16.2.02
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‹ 14.2.02
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Finally the internet is living up to its truly oracular potential. No longer shall men and women bicker over life's trivialities - all we need do now is ask the internet and be told that warm is better than fuzzy, that George Michael is better than Oasis and that shouting and screaming is better than discussing things rationally like grown ups.
[via swishcottage]
‹ 13.2.02
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There's nothing quite like letting Mr Seinfeld sum up your site:
"When you enjoy something, you must never let logic get too much in the way. Like the villains in all the James Bond movies. Whenever Bond breaks into the complex: 'Ah, Mr. Bond, welcome, come in. Let me show you my entire evil plan and then put you in a death machine that doesn't work'."All those hackyned plot devices - from Airplanes to Wood - are now available for your leisurely perusal at The Movie Cliches List.
‹ 13.2.02 / 0 comment(s) ›
Meg, Paul and Twom, knowing full well that I'd seen it with Iain only a week ago, dragged me along to Monsters, Inc last night ... and it was just as fun as it was the first time. The second time around lets you concentrate on the little details though: the near perfect rustling of Sully's fur, the way Mike's wet footprints gradually dry up as he walks along, the retro geometric posters for monster jazz festivals which appear on the walls. Wonderful stuff. And Boo completely stole the show, of course. For all its good points though, Pixar may be in danger of exhausting their formula - one more Randy Newman theme song and I swear I'm going to trash their server farm.
‹ 12.2.02
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As David notes, Friday night saw myself, hisself and Marcus chalk up a record tally of shoving nasty semi-warm canned Red Stripe down our respective gullets. All manner of tales are now unfolding over e-mail. I. Will. Never. Drink. Again. (Today). Oh, and happy belated birthday to Marcus too ... the one Swede who truly digs our turnips.
‹ 12.2.02
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What exactly happened to all those high-falutin' dreams that folk back in the mid-twentieth century had? You know ... flying cars, sex in space, living underwater ... new fangled ideas like that. Well, find out fer yerselves at Retrofuture Today.
‹ 12.2.02
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Tom makes me do bad things. Like when he drags me into Virgin late at night and starts looking in the DVD section. Oh dear, I seem to have just purchased the first season of Futurama on DVD. How did that happen? In the cold light of day however, the decision was still wise ... I mean, how can you go wrong with scenes like this?
| Amy: | So what do you think of that guy by the bar? | |||
| Leela: | I don't know, maybe. | |||
| Bender: | Forget it, he's gay. | |||
| Leela: | What? How can you tell? | |||
| Bender: | I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." | |||
| Leela: | There's no such thing. | |||
Bender insists that there is, and to prove it, he reaches into his chest cavity and pulls out a little dial-laden box with a satellite dish coming out the top. Bender aims at the man, and a little pink light buzzes. |
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| Bender: | Yep, he's gay. | |||
| Amy: | Are you sure? | |||
| Bender: | Definitely ... unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. | |||
From episode #4: "Love's Labour's Lost in Space".
‹ 12.2.02
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Who is this superhero? Sarge? No. Rosemary, the telephone operator? No. Penry, the mild-mannered janitor? Could be!
‹ 9.2.02
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I know I'm leaving myself wide open for a slew of country-of-origin + ovine jokes, but here goes: Sheep Game. Reminiscent of hoary old New Zealand Sunday television fave A Dog's Show (which used as its theme, oddly enough, an instrumental version of the Statler Brothers' "Flowers On The Wall"). You know, the show that rolled around after Woolly Valley and Spot On, while you were eating what you'd made earlier after seeing Alison Holst's segment on What Now. There, that should confuse all you Northern Hemisphere types.
‹ 8.2.02
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The straw that broke the camel's back: I don't think any further explanation is necessary, do you?
‹ 7.2.02
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Happy Waitangi Day to one and all. One hundred and sixty-two years ago, the Crown entered into a treaty with Maori for the sovereignty of New Zealand, in return for guaranteeing them "full exclusive and undisturbed possession of their Lands and Estates Forests Fisheries and other properties which they may collectively or individually possess so long as it is their wish and desire to retain the same in their possession." And that's where the fun started.
Flash forward to 2002 and the celebrations on the marae at Waitangi. Tempers flared. Old rivalries were settled. People looked towards the future.
"The treaty has to be seen as an asset, not a liability. There are many countries that are fraught with tension between ethnic groups with no processes for sorting them out. We have processes."Ms Clark (the Prime Minister) is right. We've got a pretty fine thing going back there ... you learn that having left the place. We recognise there have been problems and injustices in the past. We want to resolve them. We're too small a nation to bury everything under the carpet and hope it will just go away, and we're too small a nation to keep squabbling with each other. So here's to little old New Zealand - looking to the future but not forgetting its uniquely turbulent history.
[N.B. For those wondering about marae protocol, there's some interesting material here]
‹ 7.2.02
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And on our national day, a little phonetic humour:
Wiremu, a New Zealander, landed at Heathrow to watch the All Blacks. As he wasn't feeling too well after the flight, he decided to see a doctor.*groan*"Hey Doc, I don't feel so good", Wiremu said. The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he had prostate problems, and that the only cure was testicular removal. "No way Doc!" replied Wiremu. "I'm gitting a sicond opinion, eh!"
The second Pommy doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also advised him that testicular removal was the only cure. Not surprisingly, Wiremu refused the treatment.
Wiremu was devastated but, with only hours to go before the All Blacks opening game, he found an ex-pat Kiwi doctor and decided to get one last opinion from someone he could trust. The Kiwi doctor examined him and said, "Wiremu, you huv prostate suckness eh".
"What's the cure thin doc?" asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer.
"Wull, Wiremu", said the Kiwi doctor "Wi're gonna huv to cut off your balls."
"Phew, thunk god for thut!" said Wiremu, "those Pommy bastards wanted to take my test tickets off me!
‹ 7.2.02 / 0 comment(s) ›
A say day for New Zealand broadcasting: Angela D'Audney dies, aged 57. She was the iconic female newsreader for us 70s babies with one of the best speaking voices on television (a soothing blend of RP and NuZild), a trademark gappy grin and a generally all-round lovely-lady demeanour. You just couldn't hate the woman. She was even good natured enough to send herself up in recent years on cult show Havoc: sitting in a plush chair by a roaring fire, reading lyrics from The Doors earnestly to camera in the "D'Audney Reads The Doors" segment. She'll be missed. By Alex too.
‹ 7.2.02
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Post-It Theater: "Welcome to the Post-It Theater. The finest source for flip-book entertainment in the world. These movies are all hand-drawn on Post-it® brand notes and scanned. No computer simulated the action."
‹ 5.2.02
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The Balloon Hat Experience: "In 1996, Addi Somekh and Charlie Eckert began traveling to different places in the world to make balloon hats for people and take photos of them."
‹ 5.2.02
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Sometimes, in this industry, crazy drunk people call you at work for no apparent reason. What's that about?
‹ 1.2.02
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Cameron Diaz tells you about crude oil consumption ... in 3D!
[NB: plug-in download more-than-likely required]
‹ 1.2.02
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Like those stupid old shampoo commercials ("And they tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and so on, and so on, and so on ..."), The MegaPenny Project takes a one cent piece then runs with it down the numerical line. A fascinating way to conceptualise impossibly large numbers.
‹ 1.2.02
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Congrats go out to Bloggie winners Twom and the Choire/Philo entity for "Best European Weblog" and "Best Webcam of a Weblog Site" respectively. Since Mr Coates was stripped of his title for Best Big Gay Person but retained his Best Eurotrash award, does that now make him Best European Heterosexual? Enquiring minds want to know.
‹ 1.2.02
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