Don't give me that look. This is how the human mind works. You present it with a mystery, no matter how mundane, and it tricks itself into thinking that it can solve it with whatever paucity of facts are available at the time: Does J.Lo really believe she'll be married to Ben Affleck for the rest of her life? Is this Coldplay song actually about Gwynnie, not me? Why did God make bags of Skittles so hard to open?Seriously, Heather needs her own cult or something. Or we could make her President of Earth and live much happier lives. To the ballot box everyone!
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