- Make Her Slurp It All Off Your Sizeable Rod
- Make Her Gag On Your Monster Size Member
- Shatter Her Meat Tunnel With Your Huge Husky Third Leg
- She'll Beg You To Stop After She Gets A Piece Of Your Monster Tool
Such clever little scamps, aren't they?
‹ 30.5.03
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Speakers of Scottish Gaelic are lobbying Microsoft to get their very own spell-checker and good on them too. The article states that its "used by just 58,650 people and falling" and I know two of them: Kyle and Anna's grandma.
Perhaps more interesting is the part at the bottom of the piece ... around fifty languages have only one living speaker. That's quite sad if you think about it - Marie Smith from Prince William Sound in Alaska pops her clogs and poof, Eyak is no longer heard in the world. They're like endangered species really, those tongues ... and which is worse to lose, a language or a life form? Memes or genes?
‹ 27.5.03
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Whacked-out theories of the week: SARS comes from either ...
- Outer space; or
- Cats.
What'll they think of next?
‹ 27.5.03
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She's a grand old dame and on the weekend she turned one-hundred and twenty. New York's Brooklyn Bridge opened on 24 May 1883 at 2pm, the toll on the first day was one cent and, apparently, Irish bridge workers were protesting due to that date clashing with Queen Vicky's birthday (more facts here).
It's almost a year since I walked across it, whilst I was in New York on the American leg of my homeward-bound trip (I offer my heartfelt props to Dan again for being such a gorgeous host). It was 35degC (according to the illuminated reading on one of the Brooklyn-end buildings) and muggy as all hell, but it was a great walk ... being slowly enveloped in the bridge's distinctive wire lattice, watching the downtown skyscrapers loom slowly larger, and the expanse of uptown seemingly stretching on forever, before I was eventually deposited in Manhattan.
Marvellous stuff.
‹ 26.5.03
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Well, the flat move went off in a rather orderly fashion over the weekend which was gratifying. I had Friday off work to do some packing and cleaning (a bit more of the former rather than the latter but never mind), then dinner and drinks with Byron and Briar (who were down in Wellington for the weekend) and the crew which was fun (including the excellent street-fightin' ninja skills on display outside the restaurant before Kerry rushed in to break it up, and Beth told Bev off for touching the evidence (a broken watch) - "Don't you watch CSI?!" - much to the amusement of the by-then assembled police troupe).
Saturday was moving day proper and we kicked off earlier than planned when the stationwagon-enabled Shayne showed up early, along with the movers we'd hired ("Kiwimove" - who were pretty good but did have a tendancy to horse-arse around a bit). The similarly stationwagon-enabled Brendon showed up later in the afternoon for a few more trips (along with a quick one to the bulk stationery outlet for a computer desk) and a bit of unpacking was accomplished in the evening (the building's gourmet pizza place was much appreciated that night I assure you).
Sunday saw us return to the old flat for a good hard scrub, ending up with a happy landlord at inspection time and us getting all of our bond back. Result! So Kyle and I are now happily ensconced in the new digs ... pics to follow when we've got it successfully up to our exacting standards.
‹ 26.5.03
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Go and read Marie's tale of woe dealing with her faulty TV set: Mastercare Nightmare (via The Register). Her situation puts me in mind of the hassles I had trying to close my bank account upon leaving the UK (as Meg can attest to), but in a much more hair-tearing and utterly exhausting way. Poor love ... she deserves all the support she can get. Warning to large corporations - pull your customer service socks up (yes, those nice pink frilly ones) or you'll end up facing the wrath of the pissed-off-blog-and-Google-text-ad-enabled punter, in a D-I-Y Watchdog style.
‹ 21.5.03
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I forgot to mention yesterday that I had a great time up in Auckland on the weekend, hanging out with the ever lovely Byron and Briar (and Mia, the dog), pizza-and-rugbying, eating and drinking on the Viaduct (with a return to Cardiac) and shopping in boutique-infested Newmarket. I also managed to squeeze in a day's statutory interpretation course on Friday, and a day's governance training in Hamilton on Saturday. Not bad going I thought.
‹ 21.5.03
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This appeared on the bulletin-board at work this morning but was mysteriously gone by the afternoon:
The World Health Organisation today issued a new warning against non-essential travel to the entire Western hemisphere following renewed concerns about the spread of Severe Loss of Perspective Syndrome (SLOPS). Officials are warning travellers not to visit the UK, the US, almost all of Western Europe, and Canada, following further outbreaks of the disease, which has led to mass panic among the media, thousands of ecstatic children being kept out of school by their credulous and moronic parents, and increased profits for DIY stores as the idiot public rush to bulk-buy face masks and boiler suits.I'm guessing TPTB upstairs didn't take too kindly to a random wageslave posting that but I managed to get a laugh out of it: "you're about as likely to die from that as you are to get kicked to death by a gang of zombie nuns" is my new phrase for the week.A WHO spokesman said, "You'd be much better off going to somewhere like Thailand or China, because all you've got to worry about there is SARS, and let's face it, you're about as likely to die from that as you are to get kicked to death by a gang of zombie nuns."
The SARS virus has now claimed a staggering 500 lives in only six months, which makes it considerably more deadly than, say, malaria, which only kills around 3000 people every single day. Malaria, however, mainly effects only darkies what speak foreign, whereas SARS has made at least one English person feel a bit iffy for a couple of days, and is therefore considered much more serious.
The spread of SLOPS has now reached pandemic proportions, with many high-level politicians seemingly affected by the disease. The rapid spread of SLOPS has been linked to the end of the war in Iraq and the need for Western leaders to give the public something to worry about. Otherwise, they might start asking uncomfortable questions about domestic issues, and that simply would not do.
Anyone who appears to be exhibiting symptoms of SLOPS should be dragged into the street by their genitals and shot.
‹ 20.5.03 / 0 comment(s) ›
If anyone can explain what would possess a person to wear a pink-coloured t-shirt emblazoned with a scriptive "vulva" across the front of it, then please let me know. Apparently, "these one-of-a-kind shirts are best-sellers because they make healthy and fun fashion statements about hard-to-discuss topics". Sorry to the folks at "Go Ask Alice!" but you'll be waiting a long time before vulvas make my hard-to-discuss topics list.
‹ 20.5.03
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You've just gotta love Mayor of Wellington Kerry Prendergast. Commenting on the recent poor showing of Hurricanes players in a Canterbury-sponsored "stud search" (urgh), our civic leader had this to say:
"For me, and I'm not being myopic or parochial in any way, Tana Umaga is certainly my favourite – he's got those wonderful thighs which is where I'm interested in looking at men when they're playing rugby."Phwoooaarrr ... you tell 'em girl!
‹ 20.5.03 / 0 comment(s) ›
No beast, fair or fowl, deserves this fate, which ranks second only to inserting an open beer can inside the thing and propping it up to roast.
‹ 14.5.03
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In what has to go down as one of the greatest media headlines ever: Shatner's ex-wife sues over horse semen.
‹ 14.5.03
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Now, doesn't this look like the publicity shot for a wacky new mid-season replacement sitcom?
Yeah, I think I'll call it "When Barry Met Barry" ... any takers?
‹ 14.5.03
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Good friends truly do make the world go 'round. The weekend just past, Kyle and I were graced by the presence of our wonderful friend Astrid who came up from Dunedin on Saturday and brought plenty of goodies to keep us amused and entertained ... beware of Maori lesbians bearing gifts! We had lunch at Felix and then took the cable car up to the Botanic Gardens and strolled leisurely down the hill and back into the city after that. That's the good thing about having friends to stay ... you've got the perfect excuse to get of your chuff and go and do something you haven't yet gotten around to. The cemetary you end up walking through along the way also added the requisite "WTF?" element to the excursion.
After I bashed up a lasagna for dinner, we headed off to see "X2" (or "X2: Manchester X-Men United" or whatever the hell it's supposed to be) which was pretty damn good. Nightcrawler's teleporting was quite stunning, Serena was clearly having a blast and the whole thing hummed along quite nicely (go read Chris' review because it's realy personal and damn good). A loud boozy party at Aaron and Mark's poke-your-eyes-out-for apartment followed, as did a visit to that bar for drinks and giggles, before we all finally crashed mid-early morning sometime.
So what do we have to entertain our visitor the following day? Try this:
Faffing around in PJs, eating leftover lasagna toasted sandwiches, reading the TV guide, watching DVDs, eating top notch roast chicken (by Chef Kyle) and generally being the complete opposite of the butterflies we were the day before. Brilliant. Come back soon baby!
‹ 6.5.03
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