‹ 31.8.03 / 0 comment(s) ›
Evil spider baby: you want to look away, but you just can't help it! Truly the most mesmerising thing on the interwebnet this week.
‹ 31.8.03
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Popbitch have had a fair crack at nailing down all the kids' terms for cocaine over the years but they've got nothing on the Whitehouse. Powder diamonds, white mosquito, star-spangled powder, California cornflakes ... they're all right here. How very street.
‹ 31.8.03
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Last December, I mentioned that the internet authorities in NZ were considering adding a new second level domain - .geek.nz - to the list. Well now, it's a reality ... sign up today! (cheers to Gary for the heads-up).
‹ 26.8.03
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The CIA really should be spending less time intelligence-gathering in foreign locales and more time trying to hunt down blue bears which seem to run rampant through its Langley headquarters. They shouldn't be too hard to spot, right?
‹ 25.8.03
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Join the crusade to Ban Comic Sans and help make the world a typographically more friendly place.
‹ 25.8.03
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Cheers to Darryl from the agency who pointed out that there's a Flashtastic version of the aforementioned 42 Below ad available for your viewing pleasure. Even more reason to drink their fine product!
‹ 20.8.03
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I'm red with a blue border around the unique shape of two overlapping right triangles; the smaller, upper triangle bears a white stylized moon and the larger, lower triangle bears a white 12-pointed sun. What am I?
‹ 19.8.03
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Got a pigeon infestation in your neighbourhood park? Hawks can be an effective, enivronmentally friendly solution to your problem. One thing to watch out for ... from a distance your average chihuahua looks remarkably like a rat, and hawks have been known to have a go at scurrying, rat-like objects from time to time. Society matrons be warned.
‹ 19.8.03
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Take a bottom-up approach to the real estate market and go buy yourself a missile base. Hey, it beats the average battery hen style apartment hands down and the best thing of all ... no neighbours. Bliss.
‹ 19.8.03
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Some personage (proper decorum dictates a withholding of invective here) has been mailing New Zealand domain name holders with a faux invoice designed to have them register a domain name very similar to one they already own.
See what I mean? This is one I received today, encouraging me to pay $NZ237 to register brainsluice.co.nz for two years. Now, if I registered it with any kosher .nz registrar, that privilege would cost me around $NZ120 for two years.
Sound like a scam? You betcha, and the Commerce Commission thinks so too. Even though the letter does state that its only a solicitation for registration (this little factoid is buried in the middle of the page), and anyone who plonks down their cold hard cash without reading something properly beforehand is a bit of a fool, the whole setup's pretty dodgy. May the powers that be come down on the gentleman in question with great vengeance and furious anger!
‹ 15.8.03
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"Each morning, the Maori people of New Zealand - which is part of Australia - rise at dawn, cook some eggs, put on their grass skirts and go out to the fields to make 42 Below vodka.
"There, they trade with the fierce All Black tribes - that live in the hill country - for raw ingredients and ship them down the Shotover in traditional America's Cup yachts to the 42 Below factory. Then, using only stainless steel distilleries carved from ancient kauri trees, they create the world's smoothest vodka which they give to the white man in exchange for blankets, muskets ... and hobbits.
"And as the day turns to night, the tribes come together, drink large amounts of 42 Below, carve plastic tikis for Air New Zealand, and tell the traditional Maori joke, which goes like this: Knock knock / Who's there? / Statue / Statue who? / Statue bro?
"42 Below vodka - made right here in Sydney, New Zealand, by Russell Crowe."
[Radio spot for 42 Below vodka]
‹ 14.8.03
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In my fourth ever weblog post - way back in January 2000 - I reported that Inktomi had catalogued 1,000,000,000 unique webpages. Google now searches 3,083,324,652 webpages. And that's a very scary number indeed, boys and girls.
Sheesh, January 2000? That's a hefty whack of time ago. Almost a lifetime in blog years and pratically aeons if you believe the contents of BBC Bill's latest missive (for which Tom and Meg have quite rightly pulled him up on), that is, that no-one's been doing this whole weblog malarkey for more than two years. Worraneejit.
And another thing ... you know you're just positively ancient when you go to edit a Blogger post you did back in 2000, and it won't give you easy access via the drop-down date menus because they only go back as far as January 2001. Right, back to me primordial soup then ...
‹ 13.8.03
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Welcome to Venice ... relax ... enjoy the view ... but no unauthorised sitting you pesky tourist! That's right folks, park your carcass anywhere in St Mark's Square and you could wind up being slapped with a 50 euro fine. Grazie molto!
And it finally looks like they're doing something to stop it all being washed away, which is bloody marvellous because it's a magic place and something people really should still be able to see in a few hundred years time.
"To build a city where it is impossible to build a city is madness in itself, but to build there one of the most elegant and grandest of cities is the madness of genius."
- Alexander Herzen
‹ 12.8.03
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A nice little bio piece on Bill Hastings, Noozleland's Chief Censor and all round top-quality homosexualist.
‹ 12.8.03
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My God, there sure are a lot of men who look like Kenny Rogers ... bona fide cowards of the county the lot of them. And, a propos of nothing, Leonard Nimoy should eat more salsa: "We here at the LNSEMSF believe that Leonard Nimoy is excellent, and salsa is excellent, and if Leonard Nimoy would eat more salsa, he would become an unstoppable force of excellence" ... I couldn't agree more.
‹ 11.8.03
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With regard to members of the animal kingdom, we all know which species the terms "bovine", "ovine" and "porcine" refer to, right? Well how about "columbine", "pavonine" or "pteropine"? You'll find an indispensible list of animal adjectives here.
‹ 11.8.03
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Our journey through the pantheon of pint-sized protectors concludes with Tom's lowdown on The Wasp. Watch out ... she'll sting ya! (or something).
‹ 9.8.03
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Employers: why bother with a pesky human I.T. staff when you can hire a whole buncha monkeys to do the job courtesy of Primate Programming Inc? Sure, there may a more than usual amount of high-pitched screetching and an increase in faece flinging about your workspace but what price cost-effectiveness!
‹ 9.8.03
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Now there's a character just screaming out for his own franchise, right? (just picture the lucrative sandalwood-scented soap-on-a-rope and flavoured corn snack tie-ins). Look ... Long Suffering Boy can bear the weight of the world on his shoulders and doesn't even raise a sweat! (but hold the tights, thankyou). I guess those particular adventures can wait for another day ...
‹ 6.8.03
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On other matters chickenesque, one of the most celebrated residents of Fruita, Colorado, was apparently Mike the Headless Chicken. Back in 1945, local farmer Lloyd Olsen sliced off the head of that night's dinner, only to discover that the bird was perfectly fine and remained alive for several weeks after. Local residents were apparently heard to comment "he was a big fat chicken who didn't know he didn't have a head" and "he seemed as happy as any other chicken".
‹ 6.8.03
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Because you never know when you may need vital information such as this, I encourage you all to learn and practice the three ways to hypnotise a chicken. [Note: you may wish to try it out on the Sunday roast first ... or an unsuspecting flatmate]
‹ 5.8.03
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More Havrilesky brilliance ... homosexualist reality show, take two:
Don't give me that look. This is how the human mind works. You present it with a mystery, no matter how mundane, and it tricks itself into thinking that it can solve it with whatever paucity of facts are available at the time: Does J.Lo really believe she'll be married to Ben Affleck for the rest of her life? Is this Coldplay song actually about Gwynnie, not me? Why did God make bags of Skittles so hard to open?Seriously, Heather needs her own cult or something. Or we could make her President of Earth and live much happier lives. To the ballot box everyone!
‹ 5.8.03 / 0 comment(s) ›
Tom is this week's special guest author over at ickle.org, with his Mastermind-esque specialist subject being teeny weeny superheroes. First up? Shrinking Violet. Stay tuned for more little crimefighters as the week unfolds!
‹ 4.8.03
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